What You May Already Know: Modesty

[Prerequisite for this article: general Christian principles and belief in the Bible]

Among Christians, the hot topic is modesty.  Many denominations, Christians, and even Catholics have presumed to issue rubrics for girls – "What to Wear, What Not to Wear."  "It's okay to show ankles now, we're sure we don't need to tell you, but… this other area of your body is not appropriate.  Thus sayeth us."

Biblical modesty is a little confusing.  I've yet to find a verse that says, "A glimpse of stocking is something shocking!"  But it does say, "likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire…."  Even with that "clearly spelled out" in the New Testament, it's not like Christians never wear gold or pearls, nor do up their hair.  Truth is that Paul was making a point in that passage, which was not, "Wear frumpy clothing."  Truth is that the Bible is just not specific about what we're allowed to do with clothing.

Out of curiosity, google "Bible verses about modesty."  You may already be familiar with OpenBible.info – it often comes up when you're looking for verses.  Skimming through the results for "modesty," several verses don't seem to apply.  Ah, but the key to modesty actually lies in those very verses.  Because modesty is not what they say….

Modesty is not covering yourself up.  Modesty is not leaving something to the imagination.  Modesty is not guarding the hearts, eyes, and minds of the opposite sex.  Modesty is not last year's fashions.  Modest is not hottest.

Modesty is honesty – in a way.  Or so Marc from "Bad Catholic" says.  I mean, at least it actually rhymes and makes sense, so give him credit for that, anyway.  I think I do understand his point, even though at times it was hard for me to grasp how he was able to condense modesty down to honesty – but it probably wasn't his objective to condense it down, so anyway….  (He does a great job exploring the topic, I think.  Check it out.)

Here is what I've learned to associate with modesty: dressing to reveal yourself.  I guess that does sound like honesty, doesn't it?  Dressing to reveal who you are as a person.  What this doesn't mean is just, "I'm a human being and I have a body!  Deal with it!  Let's all go nudist!"  But I'm also aiming at not telling you what you must or must not wear, what you can or cannot show.  I think you already know.

Young girls usually have a good sense of modesty (or shyness, if you like), indicating that modesty is probably something natural, and not ingrained in us.  If it was ingrained, women would be more inclined to be modest than children.  But even adult women can probably tell me what is modest and what is not, simply by having a general idea of society and fashion.  Very few people will actually believe that it is good or even okay to be a slut.  So dressing like a slut?  How is anyone supposed to tell the difference?  Dressing like a slut means saying that you're a slut.  And while everyone else has a duty to not treat you as a slut, you have a duty to not be a slut, think like a slut, or dress like a slut.  Just as an example.

When you dress, what are you revealing about yourself?  If what you're revealing is a lot of skin (by today's standards anyway) or undergarments, you're saying something about yourself that isn't true.  (Hopefully you know that it isn't true, but that's a pep talk for another time.)  Certain styles could also be considered immodest, maybe only because of the circumstances.  What do you want to tell people about yourself?  What's the impression you want to make?

The rest of that line from 1 Timothy says, "but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works."

"Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works."

But here are a few more relevant verses:

"Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”"  –– Expand your understanding of the definition of modesty:

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven."

Modesty is honest, it is humble, it is respectful.  And in that way, modesty includes an element of not tempting others.  There's a small but growing group of Christian people saying that what happens on the boy's end is not the responsibility of the girl.  For example, they rail against, "Ladies, don't wear bikinis because it leads guys to sin."  They are quite right in hating the prevailing notion that guys can't help what they think or do.  If all the women around them are scantily clad, men will not necessarily disrespect these women.  Men can and should control their thoughts and actions.  But don't leave it at that.  

The Bible still says, "Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes!"  Whether bikinis are modest or not is, as far as I can see, arguable on both sides; and if a girl does wear a bikini, any man that lusts after her is accountable for his own soul.

BUT.

Ladies, you still need to take into consideration that you may be a temptation.  You by no means need to go to extraordinary means or defy modern fashion in order to save men.  A modest woman can still be the object of lust.  But dress thoughtfully.  If you are a temptation because you're lazy, don't care, or want to look sexy, that reflects on you and you will be held accountable.  You know what excessive cleavage says about you.  You know super short skirts are ultimately embarrassing.  Dress like you demand respect, not like you're looking for a flirt.  There is a difference.

Basically, if you say to yourself, "Ooh yeah, that looks sexy," you'll know you need to throw on a cardigan or something.  Men, if you're dressed, your clothes should be on and properly secured.  You know you know what I'm talking about.

OpenBible.info – verses on modesty

1 Timothy 2:9-10

1 Peter 5:5

Matthew 6:1

Matthew 18:7

Dignity in the Skin, part II

(Click here for part one.)

What many people get hung up on is how much skin a bikini shows.  Often times, they will say that the skin damages a person's dignity, that is is inappropriate, or that it is provocative.  All seemingly valid arguments.

What isn't taken into consideration is how dress codes have changed over the years.  Much of what we wear in America these days would not be up to standards one hundred years ago.  What is commonplace was not always commonplace.  Rev. Thomas J. Higgins, S.J. says in Man as Man, "Social custom may change a proximate occasion of sin into a remote occasion.  The ordinary man now is not lasciviously affected by women wearing shorts.  People have become accustomed to them.  In 1905 such dress would have been a proximate occasion of sin."  The styles of swimsuits have changed to suit their purpose.  Bikinis are not designed for swimming laps.  Speedos are not designed for sunbathing.  For many, bikini's are the most comfortable option for the goal of dressing light in the sun on the beach, maybe getting a little wet.  But to some, the midriff is a "sexual" area.  It doesn't have to be.  In our culture, more and more skin is being exposed, and to some extent, it can be inappropriate.  But do you know what you would be wearing right now if we had never changed our fashion ideas?

If we assume for the moment that bikinis are modest, are they always appropriate?  No.  Bikinis are common on the beach.  They are expected and wouldn't make most people think twice.  Wearing a bikini into a bar or to window shop or to attend a sports event is not so expected, normal, or appropriate.

If we assume for the moment that bikinis are not inherently immodest, are all bikinis appropriate attire at the beach.  This is "wear" it gets a little tricky.  Some bikinis don't leave much room for complaint: 

The swimsuit in the above photo doesn't show off a whole lot.  But some bikinis have so little material that you'd have to organize the complaints by column and row.

But regardless of what we decide is appropriate to wear around other people in a certain situation: "This discussion will always come down to a heart issue. God knows our hearts and intentions. If our intentions are to draw attention from guys and men, head back to the changing room. We can say whatever we want, but our intentions in wearing what we wear speak volumes" (Rachel Lee Carter at Modeling Christ).  What that doesn't mean is that anything is appropriate as long as our heart is in the right place.  But what it does mean is that modesty isn't a dress code.  A dress code dictates what attire is appropriate, such as at the work place or at a school.  Modesty has more to do with when you're reeeeally pushing the dress code rules in order to show off your body in, well, an inappropriate manner.  Especially as a Christian (but a universal truth), it is not appropriate to use your own body as an object.  You should not purposely try to arouse others.  It is pleasurable, but creates a lot of unhappiness.

Sometimes what seems appropriate isn't immodest, and sometimes it is.  Because modesty has to do with intentions!  That's the whole point.  Now, charity includes being concerned about what arouses others.  So even if you are not dressing to draw eyes and quicken heartbeats, it is courteous and even your duty to be aware of your society and culture.  And as a point, if you are going into circumstances where people usually dress such a way in order to get certain attention – just because you're going there, doesn't mean it is perfectly alright to do what everyone else is doing.  You may want to dress a little differently if fitting in with the crowd means that you aren't respected.  (But depending, you may need to question the wisdom of going into this situation in the first place.)

And yes, behavior can be modest or immodest.  I don't think I need to go into too much detail explaining this, but since immodesty is (in my own clumsy wording) the intentional attempts to arouse, inappropriate behavior can be immodest.  By dictionary definition, someone who is immodest lacks humility or decency.

Let’s make a commitment this summer to ditch the skimpy swimsuits, earn self respect, and help our brothers in Christ.  –Rachel Clark

I realize that no one really wants to think about swimsuits in February (at least not where I'm from) – and I'm not saying that everyone must love it and buy it and wear it for every occasion – but I propose a slightly altered commitment for your consideration until the hot weather returns:

Anything skimpy that makes you feel dirty – don't buy it.  Realize that your body, your skin can never rob you of your dignity, but that how you view your own body can effect how you are treated by others – and can affect your happiness.  And ladies, never stop loving and respecting men.  They need it as much as you do.

However you stand on the bikini, I ask you to pause and reflect on this issue.  I think this little known view of modesty satisfies far more confusion than the common responses many girls have been fed.

Dignity in the Skin

Modesty is a big thing – in this age and every age, it seems.  The expectations have changed over time; fashions have changed.  But one thing has not changed, and that is the capacity of busybodies to criticize and belittle those people who are not dressed respectably.

I have written briefly about modesty before, but I would like to address a particular issue that has many criticisms and has caused much confusion and bitterness.  And this issue, I am proud to announce, is the bikini.

There are several arguments against the bikini and I am sympathetic to all of them.  However, I do not agree with the conclusion, based on these arguments, that the bikini is inherently detrimental to the dignity of women and the purity of men.  I assure you, though, that I have reasons for this, reasons that I will do my best to explain.

I would like to refer you to this article, which, I have heard, made its rounds on social media some time ago.  Called "The Bikini Question," guest blogger Rachel Clark attempts to convince girls (and has done well accomplishing this goal from what I hear) that they should never wear bikinis.  Her first reason is that she is "making a sacrifice for the guys" around her.  This is well-intentioned and I am very glad that she is able to sacrifice herself in such a manner; but this mindset is incorrect.

Let me first, however, establish that girls do indeed have more self-knowledge than we are sometimes led to believe.  What I mean is that girls almost always know when a hem or a v is going to attract special attention.  They may not know that they are deserving of so much more than this type of attention; they may not know that there is so much more – but they know full well when their attire is a little scanty.  If they did not, they would not be able to do it intentionally.  Women that seek to be modest don't necessarily need to have strict dress rules given them; to an extent, what to wear comes down to common sense.

An essential idea behind modesty: women should not dress to look sexy.  They are theoretically dressing to look appetizing, if you will, to the menfolk.  But I personally think that women shouldn't have the mindset that they are dressing for men, period.  I think that, contrary to what some people realize, women should dress for themselves.  They should dress according to their personality and to encourage, within themselves, self-respect and a proper realization of their dignity.  Dressing to be sexy is dressing "for men."  But if only women were taught to dress in accordance with their dignity, which is unchanging, rather than to dress for men, other women, or anything besides their true identity.  And girls have an important and difficult task respecting their own bodies; they ought to focus on protecting their own opinion of themselves through their attire, and with that down, they can sacrifice for other people with other gestures.

This does not address all the hangups related to modesty, but it is an important concept to understand.  Even without it, however, many are more concerned that women have the responsibility to look out for the man, to protect his imagination.  As Rachel Clark wrote:

"I’ve heard the excuse, Guys just have an imagination, it’s not a girl’s problem. Frankly, I think that’s stupid. Part of it is our problem. The way we dress impacts those around us, especially guys. I don’t really want a guy to look at me and notice me for my butt, upper thighs, or chest. I’d rather him notice my smile or God-loving personality. Well sure, you say, that’s all fine and good, but guys should be able to control their imagination and look beyond our bodies. That’s true, they should control it. But it’s important for girls to help them as they try and do so."

She's right.  "Guys just have an imagination; it's not a girl's problem," is a very sad excuse, and not just for the reasons Rachel Clark has pointed out, although she's mostly right.  The Holy Fool at The Holy Fool put it this way:

" … there exists a false stereotype which claims that men are, as a general rule, grimier, more carnal, and more predisposed to lust than any woman could ever be. The problem with this “chocolate cake” mindset, this “boys will be boys” mindset, this “Women should help men because men can’t help themselves” thought process is that it is damaging to the entire male gender. Sure, it might be a little easier for men to feign chastity if everyone around them is enabling and catering to their weakness. But in addition to stripping men of any moral responsibility, it also strips them of the nobility and well-deserved pride that comes with achieving continence for themselves. It forces men into a negative, self-hating stereotype which ensures that, no matter how much self-mastery they obtain, they will always feel gross or lecherous. On a personal note, I actually know of certain boys who have doubted their own masculinity when they don’t have major issues with lust, so potent is the stereotype that to be masculine is to be lustful. This is just one example which illustrates that negative stereotypes which belittle a gender – however well-intentioned – hurt everyone."  ["The Bikini Question: a Rebuttal"]

The thing is that, although our generally broken society has helped many men and boys to see a woman and define her incorrectly (and vice versa), I have often found that the real world is not quite like a sitcom, where everyone sees someone new and automatically chalks them up to their sex appeal.  That is, certainly, a problem – I won't deny that.  But it is not the case that all men, each and every one of them, is subjected against their will to carnal lust every time they see a woman who is scantily clad.  Will they experience some level of arousal?  Maybe; but that in itself is not a sin or even unhealthy.*  And truly consider a moment: what is "scantily clad"?

Rather than focusing on the (literally) surface details, the root of the problem is that so many people don't know that they aren't objects to be used and that no one else is either (which is a concept at the root of many issues, not just lust).  Furthermore, fantasies are something a person consents to.  Sudden ideas, images – those can't always be helped.  But fantasies, lusting after a person – yep, they can.  All due to the incredible gift of free will, a person chooses.  (Admittedly, the choice is not easy or easily followed.)

Where is this leading us?  I will explain, in a special post next week, in part two.

* see http://theholyfool.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-bikini-question-rebuttal.html if you'd like more information