Look Out for the Babe on Facebook!

Facebook is a dreadful pain in my side these days.  Truth be told, I have removed most of my "friends" from my newsfeed so that I can still look at posts from friends who update with meaningful, important statuses and not be bogged down with couple picture after personality quiz after "You Know You're a Writer When…."  I am so fortunate as to not have too many friends who are big into "selfies," but I have a couple and I quickly removed them from my feed.  But my feelings about selfies are actually stronger than just a simple Facebook setting can settle.

One, I am greatly discomforted when a girl posts a picture of herself and all her girlfriends comment on it to the effect of: "You're so goooooorgeous!  You're such a babe!  Looking fine!"  Last I checked, none of my Facebook friends are models and none of them are super incredibly stunning.  Neither does a well aimed angle or a well angled light make them look superbly more captivating than they usually are (unless it goes so far so to actually tell a lie about how the person looks, which is not good for fairly obvious reasons).  But also, what kind of standard does this set?  And this selfie posting gets easily to the point where you have to ask yourself, "Am I just showing off to hear how gorgeous I am?"  Girls like to take pretty photos of themselves, and when they get an especially good one, they of course want to show it off.  It sounds reasonable but truly how conceited!  Many girls go to a famous place and take an oddly-angled shot of their face kissy-facing the lens to mark the occasion.  And no girl can tell me that they won't care whether they get "Likes" or not.

In fact, not being one to gush myself, I once commented on a friend's "artsy" photo – not reflecting on her beauty but on the interesting composition of it.  Take note that this friend was perhaps not doing so well as she could have been; in any case, she instantly took offense at my comment because it wasn't following the pattern of "soooo purty girrrrl."  (I like to think I had more respect for her than her other friends did, but my judgment might be affected by my personal investment in the case.)

Here is my other problem with selfies:

I am a very pretty girl.  And no matter how I look on the outside, I am beautiful objectively.  (I am very fortunate to have a man in my life who recognizes it and is careful to remind me often.)  But seeing selfies of my friends on Facebook triggers something in my head that says, "I can look pretty too.  I've got to look pretty too."  I have never been big into magazines or followed pop culture but I'm guessing this is similar to that phenomenon.  Perhaps this latter case is worse because it is people you know, people you encounter, people who have something you don't and can hold it over you when you walk out the door tomorrow.

Facebook has so many grievances against it, I have begun (unintentionally) looking at it a lot less.  But unlike sharing political updates, memes, and baby photos, I think selfies have a deeper, more meaningful, and actually hurtful impact.

If a young woman thinks, "I have such a low opinion of myself, this is will boost my self-esteem!"  Either it will test and "strengthen" it when she doesn't get "Likes" or it will "boost" it because of all the flattering compliments (really, it is only flattery, and flattery is flat).  Affirmation! – such a trigger word these days.  But affirmation only works if the girl can believe it in the first place.  A girl will appreciate being recognized for her good looks now and then, but the gesture does nothing if she doesn't first believe it herself.  Ways to help her believe it exist, but posting selfies on Facebook is not one of them, as evidence concretely concludes.

I could focus more specifically on details related to guys doing this, but everything simplified down to a nutshell, how has it become okay to brag on Facebook, "Look everyone how beautiful/awesome/cool I am!" when that would otherwise seem vastly inappropriate?

To Be Human

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/badcatholic/2013/12/millennial-misery.html

With people all the more accessible, it is possible to lose oneself in messages and statuses that really mean nothing.  In text messages, the language has evolved to include emoticons, new formatting, and new expressions; but the messages are still largely impersonal.  A personal connection is stronger even in a phone call, because tone and emphasis can be better manipulated; physical presence is even better because body language and an understanding silence can be used.  Body language and, further, physical touch is what makes separation so hard.  And separation can be very hard, but with social media today, separation isn't necessarily true separation.  So do text and social media messages really help to strengthen and deepen relationships?  I have sometimes wondered if social media and text messages haven't rather spoiled relationships by depriving them of separation, of longing and appreciation.

Is this connectedness really bringing us closer?  Is it helping us to understand one another, to love one another?  It may, perhaps, actually be closing some of our doors.  With so little effort necessary and so many people to chose from, I think we may have lost our empathy, our desire to try to really connect on a deeper personal level with the people we are with in the moment – which leaves us and everyone around us feeling very empty and alone.  And silly, meaningless little messages can be sent off effortlessly to people we love, without much personal investment.

I'm not the least bit against social media but I do think it should be used almost as a supplement, rather than the norm for connecting with people, especially for connecting with people you could see every day but don't (like classmates or friends in town).

Food for thought, and something, I'm sure, we could all reflect on in the coming year.

Ridiculous Facebook

Hello world. I have something oh so important to share with you. Let's see who reads this to the end. Please copy and paste this onto your own wall. We'll see who my friends are and really reads this. DO NOT SHARE – copy and paste. Because that is a true sign of friendship. You might ignore me every single day but if you copy and paste this then I will know you are my friend. Even if you have been through all my rough moments with me, this will be the sure sign of our friendship. And just to make this more fun, use one word to say how we first met (because I don't remember).

My Blog Entry About Facebook

Attention Facebook users!  Below is a rant about putting rants on Facebook.

People need to understand that ranting on Facebook, especially about other's behavior on Facebook, is NOT A GOOD IDEA.  It's like going to a party with friends and spending the whole evening telling everyone why you don't like parties.  It's rude and does two things:

1. You affirm those people who agree with you

2. You insult those people who like parties

You convince no one.  You hurt many.  Publicly.

If you are protesting against the things people post on Facebook, just TAKE THEM OFF your newsfeed.  If you post publicly that you don't like their statuses, you're going to lose a lot of friends.  Facebook is utilized to share what is going on, including thoughts, with many friends instantly, and people do just that.  If you don't like what they share, GET OFF Facebook.  Ranting that you don't like other people's statuses does only two things:

1. It encourages others who agree with you that they are "better" than those people

2. It insults those people who are the perpetrators because they were sharing something about themselves with you and you criticized it

This is truth.

Facebook is a website that you have the choice to look at or not.  If you can't get away from statuses that bug the heck out of you, remove the offenders from your newsfeed and, if necessary, put them on your Restricted list.  They will NEVER KNOW.

If you are trying to evangelize, I applaud your efforts.  But in declaring war against something in a tiny status on Facebook, you do two things:

1. You please your friends who agree with you (which in some cases is the majority of the people who will see the status anyway)

2. You offend, and increase the stubbornness, of those friends who disagree

Facebook is not a great place to have a debate.  That's not Facebook's function, and it fails in its usefulness when used thusly.  Perhaps another subtler, more effective method of evangelizing would be more to your purpose.

If you must rant, GET A BLOG.  I have three and they're great.  Start an anonymous blog, if you like, and post a link to your blog entry about Facebook – no one has to know that you're talking about your friends.  Unless you tell them.  Which is about as rude as posting it publicly on Facebook.  FACEBOOK is about SHARING, but so is any conversation, and a well-adjusted person should know better than to insult friends in front of other people.

Or you could tell your friends how you feel sometime, in person, casually, privately.  Politely.  Considerately.

But that's too much trouble.  So if you don't want a blog, I guess you can be rude on Facebook as a last resort.

So ends rant.

–An ironic, satirical rant about Facebook meant to hurt no one and intended to cause a laugh or two.  I have a right to my opinion but I don't HATE those who disagree with me.  I'm a Christian and I don't hate.  God LOVES EVERYONE.

If you're not at least smirking by this point, I'm very sorry to have wasted your time.  The ironic thing is I'm not really even taking my own point. . . .