Look Out for the Babe on Facebook!

Facebook is a dreadful pain in my side these days.  Truth be told, I have removed most of my "friends" from my newsfeed so that I can still look at posts from friends who update with meaningful, important statuses and not be bogged down with couple picture after personality quiz after "You Know You're a Writer When…."  I am so fortunate as to not have too many friends who are big into "selfies," but I have a couple and I quickly removed them from my feed.  But my feelings about selfies are actually stronger than just a simple Facebook setting can settle.

One, I am greatly discomforted when a girl posts a picture of herself and all her girlfriends comment on it to the effect of: "You're so goooooorgeous!  You're such a babe!  Looking fine!"  Last I checked, none of my Facebook friends are models and none of them are super incredibly stunning.  Neither does a well aimed angle or a well angled light make them look superbly more captivating than they usually are (unless it goes so far so to actually tell a lie about how the person looks, which is not good for fairly obvious reasons).  But also, what kind of standard does this set?  And this selfie posting gets easily to the point where you have to ask yourself, "Am I just showing off to hear how gorgeous I am?"  Girls like to take pretty photos of themselves, and when they get an especially good one, they of course want to show it off.  It sounds reasonable but truly how conceited!  Many girls go to a famous place and take an oddly-angled shot of their face kissy-facing the lens to mark the occasion.  And no girl can tell me that they won't care whether they get "Likes" or not.

In fact, not being one to gush myself, I once commented on a friend's "artsy" photo – not reflecting on her beauty but on the interesting composition of it.  Take note that this friend was perhaps not doing so well as she could have been; in any case, she instantly took offense at my comment because it wasn't following the pattern of "soooo purty girrrrl."  (I like to think I had more respect for her than her other friends did, but my judgment might be affected by my personal investment in the case.)

Here is my other problem with selfies:

I am a very pretty girl.  And no matter how I look on the outside, I am beautiful objectively.  (I am very fortunate to have a man in my life who recognizes it and is careful to remind me often.)  But seeing selfies of my friends on Facebook triggers something in my head that says, "I can look pretty too.  I've got to look pretty too."  I have never been big into magazines or followed pop culture but I'm guessing this is similar to that phenomenon.  Perhaps this latter case is worse because it is people you know, people you encounter, people who have something you don't and can hold it over you when you walk out the door tomorrow.

Facebook has so many grievances against it, I have begun (unintentionally) looking at it a lot less.  But unlike sharing political updates, memes, and baby photos, I think selfies have a deeper, more meaningful, and actually hurtful impact.

If a young woman thinks, "I have such a low opinion of myself, this is will boost my self-esteem!"  Either it will test and "strengthen" it when she doesn't get "Likes" or it will "boost" it because of all the flattering compliments (really, it is only flattery, and flattery is flat).  Affirmation! – such a trigger word these days.  But affirmation only works if the girl can believe it in the first place.  A girl will appreciate being recognized for her good looks now and then, but the gesture does nothing if she doesn't first believe it herself.  Ways to help her believe it exist, but posting selfies on Facebook is not one of them, as evidence concretely concludes.

I could focus more specifically on details related to guys doing this, but everything simplified down to a nutshell, how has it become okay to brag on Facebook, "Look everyone how beautiful/awesome/cool I am!" when that would otherwise seem vastly inappropriate?