Look Out for the Babe on Facebook!

Facebook is a dreadful pain in my side these days.  Truth be told, I have removed most of my "friends" from my newsfeed so that I can still look at posts from friends who update with meaningful, important statuses and not be bogged down with couple picture after personality quiz after "You Know You're a Writer When…."  I am so fortunate as to not have too many friends who are big into "selfies," but I have a couple and I quickly removed them from my feed.  But my feelings about selfies are actually stronger than just a simple Facebook setting can settle.

One, I am greatly discomforted when a girl posts a picture of herself and all her girlfriends comment on it to the effect of: "You're so goooooorgeous!  You're such a babe!  Looking fine!"  Last I checked, none of my Facebook friends are models and none of them are super incredibly stunning.  Neither does a well aimed angle or a well angled light make them look superbly more captivating than they usually are (unless it goes so far so to actually tell a lie about how the person looks, which is not good for fairly obvious reasons).  But also, what kind of standard does this set?  And this selfie posting gets easily to the point where you have to ask yourself, "Am I just showing off to hear how gorgeous I am?"  Girls like to take pretty photos of themselves, and when they get an especially good one, they of course want to show it off.  It sounds reasonable but truly how conceited!  Many girls go to a famous place and take an oddly-angled shot of their face kissy-facing the lens to mark the occasion.  And no girl can tell me that they won't care whether they get "Likes" or not.

In fact, not being one to gush myself, I once commented on a friend's "artsy" photo – not reflecting on her beauty but on the interesting composition of it.  Take note that this friend was perhaps not doing so well as she could have been; in any case, she instantly took offense at my comment because it wasn't following the pattern of "soooo purty girrrrl."  (I like to think I had more respect for her than her other friends did, but my judgment might be affected by my personal investment in the case.)

Here is my other problem with selfies:

I am a very pretty girl.  And no matter how I look on the outside, I am beautiful objectively.  (I am very fortunate to have a man in my life who recognizes it and is careful to remind me often.)  But seeing selfies of my friends on Facebook triggers something in my head that says, "I can look pretty too.  I've got to look pretty too."  I have never been big into magazines or followed pop culture but I'm guessing this is similar to that phenomenon.  Perhaps this latter case is worse because it is people you know, people you encounter, people who have something you don't and can hold it over you when you walk out the door tomorrow.

Facebook has so many grievances against it, I have begun (unintentionally) looking at it a lot less.  But unlike sharing political updates, memes, and baby photos, I think selfies have a deeper, more meaningful, and actually hurtful impact.

If a young woman thinks, "I have such a low opinion of myself, this is will boost my self-esteem!"  Either it will test and "strengthen" it when she doesn't get "Likes" or it will "boost" it because of all the flattering compliments (really, it is only flattery, and flattery is flat).  Affirmation! – such a trigger word these days.  But affirmation only works if the girl can believe it in the first place.  A girl will appreciate being recognized for her good looks now and then, but the gesture does nothing if she doesn't first believe it herself.  Ways to help her believe it exist, but posting selfies on Facebook is not one of them, as evidence concretely concludes.

I could focus more specifically on details related to guys doing this, but everything simplified down to a nutshell, how has it become okay to brag on Facebook, "Look everyone how beautiful/awesome/cool I am!" when that would otherwise seem vastly inappropriate?

Dislike

I was very glad to get some feedback on my last post Feminism and Masculinity!

First of all, I did not make this conversation up, but the context was a light one.  It is largely unedited but some grammar or spelling mistakes were corrected and digressions omitted.  Jared and Elizabeth just touched on this topic briefly and it was an exchange between friends.  Jared and Elizabeth might make further appearances on this blog but the views expressed may not necessarily be the fullness of the truth of the issue.

The feedback consisted of someone selecting the "disagree" box, which I appreciate as perfectly acceptable feedback.  I understand that the content is debatable and its nuances are foggy.  But more importantly, I want feedback – negative or positive!  I say thank you to whomever clicked the disagree box – but please!  Give me more!  Don't be afraid to say that you strongly disagree.  I want respectful comments and thoughtful comments, but I want to discuss these issues.  If you disagree, I would love to hear your thoughts and possibly even agree with you.

Feminism and Masculinity (from a young man and a young woman)

Jared:
What is your opinion on the Feminist Movement?

Elizabeth:
Um….
Depends.

Jared:
On what?

Elizabeth:
THE Feminist Movement:
They need to chill.

Jared:
I agree.

Elizabeth:
The Christianized version of the Feminist Movement – get real.

Jared:
I know right?

Elizabeth:
There is more to being a female than modesty and how to date and find a good husband.

Jared:
Exactly.
Babies.

Elizabeth:
Haha yeah.

Jared:
The movements are based on the false principle that men and women are not equal.
Men and women are in fact equal but equal does not mean the same.
They are equal in that they both have their roles but those roles are perceived by feminists as unfair.

Elizabeth:
Yes.

Jared:
Without those roles being filled properly the fabric of society begins to tear and bad things happen.
Like the Feminist movement.

Elizabeth:
Yeah.

Jared:
And the Men's Movement.

Elizabeth:
The blessing of man and woman being different is that one person doesn't have to do or be everything, or need to try.
Explain the Men's Movement.

Jared:
The Men's Movement is the response of men to the emasculation of the Feminist Movement.
It is about regaining the role of men from the "new man" that was created by the influence of Feminism in society.

Elizabeth:
Do you think it's effective?

Jared:
My point is that that movement should not need to exist.

Elizabeth:
Oh quite.

Jared:
I believe it is to an extent and with certain individuals.
The problem is that it is too little too late and does not solve the root of the problem.

Elizabeth:
I think… that what we need… at least at this point, isn't respect for our own gender, but for the other.
It's become too much about self.
– If we just tell ourselves that we're awesome, everything will fall into place.
The world will respect us. –
But it doesn't work like that.

Jared:
It is only through respect of others that we can gain respect of ourselves.
We must have self-confidence in order to establish respect but without respecting others we cannot expect to fulfill ourselves.

Elizabeth:
That sounds about right.