Looking into Households

Franciscan University currently has only one sorority and no fraternities associated with the school.  Instead, the student body is allowed to create within itself small groups called "households."  The website explains:

Households are Spirit empowered, Christ-led groups of three or more Franciscan University students of the same sex who seek to do the will of the Father in their lives. These communities desire to help members grow in body, mind and spirit through mutual support and accountability in the ongoing conversion process exemplified in the life of St. Francis. Through the relationships found in Households, individuals are transformed and develop their capacity to be an evangelizing presence in the University, the Catholic Church and the world.

Ideally, a household is a family that the students can become a part of and always feel welcome and loved.  They are a coming together of likeminded people with similar goals and missions.  The members have common devotions and share spiritual growth.  They make commitments to come together and pray or do service.  The men and women find brothers and sisters respectively that they can count on and turn to.

But of course, there are downsides to household life.  Sometimes you as an individual can acquire a bad reputation just because a fellow household member did something unsavory.  Sometimes a couple breaks up and now you inexplicably find yourself pitted against friends because your household sister's ex is in their household.  A business meeting can go horribly awry, or a fellow household member might suddenly expect you to want to do something you weren't prepared for.

At any rate, if you're looking at households but you're not sure what to look for, here are a few things to consider.

     The Coordinators

Each household has at least one coordinator.  These coordinators are responsible, generally speaking, for pep talks, organizing people and events (such as fundraisers), settling dispute within household, and making sure that the household remains true to itself.  However, coordinators sometimes mistake their personal mission to be the household's mission.  The household's mission does apply to all the members, but sometimes the individual personalities and gifts have their own reflection on this mission.  For example, the coordinator may accidentally misinterpret his/her outgoing nature as a household charism and expect everyone to want to do things the same way he/she does.  They aren't diabolical, and the possibility of it happening shouldn't scare you away, but you have to decide whether you are ready and willing to put up with or contest a coordinator.  But you also have to realize that you have no business attacking a coordinator for trying to do their job and that you have a duty to keep the household united.

    Cliquey

Some households have this problem more than others, and some people don't consider this a problem.  However you view it, some households can seem like an exclusive club from the outside – like members can't be good friends with anyone outside the household and people outside the household can't really be friends with someone in the household – unless it's "charity" or "Christian duty."  Sometimes it's just more like the household takes up so much of your free time that the commitments become the entirety of your social life.  And from my own perspective, households somehow (without meaning to) discourage people from being open with just any old joe they meet in the course of the day.  What I mean is that some people, knowing that they have their household to fall back on, don't go out of their way to be friends with people they run into every day (unless they're trying to attract new people).  If you're looking at households, you may want to identify the households that do this and decide if you are okay with that and if you would be one of those people, or maybe if you could help fix that.

     Intentship

Every household has a different intent process.  When you want to join a household you have to "intent."  What you have to do after that varies – added prayer times, added commitments, scavenger hunts, waiting period.  Find out as much as you can about this process and decide if you're okay with it or not.  If you're not sure you want to do all that stuff, it might be an opportunity for growth.  But don't feel you have to force it.  It might not be worth it to you.  Usually the induction ceremony is a carefully guarded secret.  But I'm pretty sure coordinators will have to tell you if you feel you need to know how comfortable you'll be with that ritual.  (Note: the induction process has to be approved and should not be offensive or questionable.  It may involve affirmations or sharing of life stories, Scripture and blessings, candles, etc..)

     Covenants

Each household has a covenant: "A household’s foundation is a written pledge that expresses the common commitment and spiritual identity of the household. The members of a household refer to this pledge as their household covenant."  The extent to which a household stands by their covenant varies – sometimes semester by semester.  This doesn't have to be a deal breaker, but you should try to observe what kind of significance the covenant plays in the lives of the household members.  Do they involve themselves in ministries?  Do they even know the details of their covenant?  And then decide what significance that has to you.

     Role Models

Whatever the size of the household, I strongly advise that you look for people who can be role models to you and then figure out if they will be around much longer.  If there are wise, levelheaded, and mature members, the household is more likely to grow spiritually and stand by its covenant.  Sometimes the oldest (by membership or age) aren't the spiritual, moral, or emotional leaders in the group.  You decide who you look up to and also see which members tend to be decision makers, which ones tend to be quiet and logical, which ones tend to be opinionated, and which ones tend to be troublemakers or drama queens.  And then figure out how this will relate to you.

     The Household as a Whole

Of course, the household itself – its charisms, its mission, and its presence on campus – are extremely important.  If intercession has a place in your heart and St. Louis de Montfort's consecration doesn't really appeal to you, then that should affect your decision.  But if you then look at the members of a promising household and decide that the current circumstances are not conducive to your spiritual growth or mission, that should weigh on your decision as well.  Of course the thing about households is that they are made up of students who are spending (usually) only about four or five years there, so a household can change with a semester.  New coordinators, new members, new challenges, new blessings.

So if you are looking at households but you're not sure exactly what to look for, keep these six things in mind: the coordinators, the household social life, the intentship, integrity to the covenant, the other members, and how the whole household fits together.

As a note on my own experience and where I stand, I intented and dropped my intentship before I became a member.  In the end, I decided that household life was not what I was looking for.  As I try to further develop and understand my own identity, I did not want my reputation to be wrapped up in the reputation of a household.  I also don't like household drama – intra- and inter-.  I like that households encourage small communities like families, but I have found that they tend to exclude outsiders to some extent (however slight), which I do not like even in the name of fostering the members.  There was more than one reason behind my decision to back out, but I especially want to be able to be open and welcoming as equally as possible to everyone on campus, which I felt would be harder to do if I was associated with a household and their reputation and secrets before I was associated with myself as an individual person.  That is my spiritual mission in life.

That just happens to be what I'm looking for.  But I still think that households can be very good for those who wish for that community and spiritual family.  As you choose one, you may decide that one of my pointers is less important to you than the others, and if that's the case, I have no problem with that.  But if you're still trying to decide what you want from a household, here are some things to think about.

Good luck!  There are a lot of good households to choose from.