There's a new month-long event going around on Franciscan campus. It's called No Fear November! What is this thing, which has a name so enticing? Franciscan University students wondered, waiting for the first of the month to come. Rumors whispered about from one person to the other – and finally they were proved to be true.
No Fear November is a dating awareness month. That's right, dating awareness. Now, that's my term for it – I haven't seen it officially described that way – but I think the designation more-or-less accurately describes the hopes and dreams resting on this month's theme.
"Dating awareness month"? If whatever this means to you doesn't seem like a bad idea, let me explain why it seems so to me.
First, I suppose, I need to explain what it is. Here are a few websites to check out:
Keep in mind when you're reading these pages, that I have not read every word. I believe them to be safe for a general teenage+ audience, but I will not address all their points in this article. Perhaps another time, I will read them through and write my thoughts on them, word by word. But for now, I've only skimmed them quickly; if you read them and wish to bring up some of the arguments, please leave a comment.
Basically, the idea is that the dating scene at Franciscan sucks. Not only are the numbers severely unbalanced (far more women than men), but also, the number of mature young women and men is pathetic. This includes women from freshmen year to graduate students! I've been very disappointed to not find enough role models here at this Catholic college. This manifests itself in a lot of areas, but one of the most painful areas is the the dating scene.
The reasons for this may be many, but it is not fully clear. Relationships, as anyone ought to know, are not black and white. People in a relationship give of themselves in a special and especially trusting way – or so it should be. It follows that if the relationship goes sour, one or both of the parties is hurt in a uniquely painful way. But also, the whole "Christian dating" thing has become very confusing over the years. Some guidelines have said that Christians should not date unless they plan to marry the other person. Some guidelines have very strict gender roles. Physical and emotional boundaries, as well as how to do what when, might even be laid out with given time expectations. Couples should increase how often they pray individually and spend plenty of time praying together. Since these rules do not take personal maturity into account and severely limit the possibilities of a relationship (which should be based on the gifts and limitations of the two), perhaps Frannies are having a hard time developing real and mature romantic relationships.
And so that is the first objection to these "new dating rules" – they are rules. To be fair, they are proposed as "guidelines," and I suppose that some people need them. But I balk at rules for relationships. If you still need rules to help you interact with people at age 20, I fear for your future.
And that's the other part of it. I am in college. I am supposed to be an adult. Everyone here is supposed to be an adult. Granted, many are not. I cannot even claim that I am always as mature as I should be. But there is a common complaint about the Franciscan campus, that it is like being stuck in high school. Student Life instructing the student body how to date seems to only intensify that feeling.
Now on the other hand, the men on this campus are not really men most of the time. Many could use a nudge, or a push, or even a shove in the right direction. And the same goes for women! Since, however, there has been so much controversy around No Fear November, I have to wonder if the theme has done anyone any good. It seems a good guess that the good guys are going to continue to be great, and the not so great guys are not going to learn from posters hung up in strategic locations all over campus. Grown-up ladies will continue to keep their heads on straight… and bulletin notices will not calm an anxious and hormonal teenager. No Fear November has sparked such controversy and negativity, too, forcing me to doubt that these guidelines will be taken seriously at all.
That all being said, I would like to admit that I recently started dating. My boyfriend was very upfront about how he felt, but not pushy. He was honest but he did not demand anything from me. On the flip side, I tried to respect his feelings, while at the same time I wanted to be honest with him about how I felt (and I have to admit I didn't exactly jump on the bandwagon right away). Eventually, we got to the point where we both decided it was time to be official. But the relevant detail here is that it was built on communication – and I don't mean a passionate out-pouring of our souls, which could only have been embarrassing (and not, I think, very mature); rather, I mean an honest, straightforward, and simple explanation that, hey, "this is where I'm at right now."
And I think – ultimately, ideally – that is what No Fear November is hoped to encourage. Two people being open to each other within the boundaries of respect. Will the students at Franciscan University ever figure that out? I don't know. Do the students at any college have that figured out? Debatable. I consider myself very lucky, because I didn't necessarily have it figured out, but I seem to have met a man who does. May you all have the same good fortune.
So after examining the situation, I have come up with my own solution to the dating problem. It is not very complicated. It does not take that long to comprehend, but perhaps a lifetime to learn. It is something that toddlers cannot have, teenagers all too often seem incapable of, and most adults need to have in order to live a functional life. It is a good friend of mine called MATURITY.
And wisdom. Pray for wisdom.
And so that is the first objection to these "new dating rules" – they are rules. To be fair, they are proposed as "guidelines," and I suppose that some people need them. But I balk at rules for relationships. If you still need rules to help you interact with people at age 20, I fear for your future.
And that's the other part of it. I am in college. I am supposed to be an adult. Everyone here is supposed to be an adult. Granted, many are not. I cannot even claim that I am always as mature as I should be. But there is a common complaint about the Franciscan campus, that it is like being stuck in high school. Student Life instructing the student body how to date seems to only intensify that feeling.
Now on the other hand, the men on this campus are not really men most of the time. Many could use a nudge, or a push, or even a shove in the right direction. And the same goes for women! Since, however, there has been so much controversy around No Fear November, I have to wonder if the theme has done anyone any good. It seems a good guess that the good guys are going to continue to be great, and the not so great guys are not going to learn from posters hung up in strategic locations all over campus. Grown-up ladies will continue to keep their heads on straight… and bulletin notices will not calm an anxious and hormonal teenager. No Fear November has sparked such controversy and negativity, too, forcing me to doubt that these guidelines will be taken seriously at all.
That all being said, I would like to admit that I recently started dating. My boyfriend was very upfront about how he felt, but not pushy. He was honest but he did not demand anything from me. On the flip side, I tried to respect his feelings, while at the same time I wanted to be honest with him about how I felt (and I have to admit I didn't exactly jump on the bandwagon right away). Eventually, we got to the point where we both decided it was time to be official. But the relevant detail here is that it was built on communication – and I don't mean a passionate out-pouring of our souls, which could only have been embarrassing (and not, I think, very mature); rather, I mean an honest, straightforward, and simple explanation that, hey, "this is where I'm at right now."
And I think – ultimately, ideally – that is what No Fear November is hoped to encourage. Two people being open to each other within the boundaries of respect. Will the students at Franciscan University ever figure that out? I don't know. Do the students at any college have that figured out? Debatable. I consider myself very lucky, because I didn't necessarily have it figured out, but I seem to have met a man who does. May you all have the same good fortune.
So after examining the situation, I have come up with my own solution to the dating problem. It is not very complicated. It does not take that long to comprehend, but perhaps a lifetime to learn. It is something that toddlers cannot have, teenagers all too often seem incapable of, and most adults need to have in order to live a functional life. It is a good friend of mine called MATURITY.
And wisdom. Pray for wisdom.
