Life Lessons on Life's Lane

"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens," said Gimli.

If there is only one thing in this world that I leave my mark on when I die, I hope it is friendship.  Friendship – that painful, powerful thing that can strengthen a fortress or break a soul.  It stems from love, from loyalty, from duty and dedication.  Friendship can be a smile, no matter the weather, or it can be breaking your back to bear heavy burdens.

I think dying for one is more important than living for many.

But perhaps I'm a fool.

Friendship is tight, close bonds that no one and nothing can break.  Friendship is listening for five minutes to someone on the bus or on the sidewalk – someone in the hallway, the lunchroom, the supermarket.  Friendship is wishing the good of another; it is hoping beyond rumors.  It is love and it is loyalty to man – but not as a collective group; for there, friendship is not relevant.  Friendship is relevant on the personal, individual level.  Where the person is involved, rather than the people, friendship is everything.  Or nothing.  It either is… or it isn't.  Friendship isn't "here one day, not so much the next."  That is not selflessness, which is the essence of friendship.

"Maybe," said Elrond, "but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall."

Friendship says this: "I will walk the path of life with you, no matter what is waiting there."  It does not say, "I shall fight all thy battles whilst thou rest thy golden head upon thy silken pillow."  That is not inherently found in the meaning of friendship.  It does not say, "I will go wheresoever you will go," for there are many decisions that we cannot make but which are made by others.  Friendship does say, "Wherever you go, whatever you do – I am here to give what grace God has through me to give you."

Life is a walk we must all take; why ignore the other travelers?  If even one person does not glean wisdom from the other hikers and share what supplies he has, the journey will be hindered.  If everyone on the path gave everything they had to helping each other along, each person would have the chance to get the most out of the journey.

In one sense, abandonment of our fellow man is impossible, save through death.  Even though limitations, weaknesses, and obstacles may vary per traveler, the goal is the same – happiness and peace in this life and the next.  What is there to gain from keeping your resources to yourself?  That only makes the journey that much lonelier, that much harder.

Nightfall will come; may as well vow to walk in the dark.  "Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart."

Speaking practically:

Of course, you must chose your friends carefully.  I have heard this wisdom many times.  But there are very few legitimate reasons to actually avoid a certain person.  Whenever you decide to keep your life utterly separate from someone else's life, you ought to have exhausted every other healthy possibility in which you can give of yourself for them.  If all that fails, you still have prayer.

Pray.  Pray that they find happiness.  Pray that they find God and grow in holiness.  Pray that they are granted every grace, including knowledge of God's will.  But I strongly caution against specifically praying that a person change their mind or behavior.  Sometimes, you may be right (such as for abortion or drugs or suicide).  But other times, all you're really doing is fueling your pride: "God, Bobby Joe is convinced that he must do this ministry.  It's going to take a lot of his time and really stress him out.  He's already doing so much, and he seems to take ministry more seriously than his relationships.  I just pray that you turn his head around and show him the way."  The problem here is that, even if you know Bobby Joe inside and out, you may still be wrong about the situation.  Remember that you are not the one calling the shots.  Pray God's will be done; pray that Bobby Joe know God's love and wisdom in all he does.

Setting boundaries is sometimes necessary.

But always, always you should ask, "What does God want me to do for this person?  What grace has God given me that can help this person?"

And what lessons does this person have for you?