Saturday, June 13, 2015
#NotMyEducationSystem
A new post detailing my gripe with our education system is now up on the new location! Please be sure to go there – there will be no more posts on this site for now. Thank you.
Friday, May 22, 2015
The Young Girl and the Idiot
Once upon a time, there lived a naïve and very broken young girl. She let people trample on her, make her feel to blame for the choices they made. "If only I were not friends with the village idiot, the more respected people of this town would not have abandoned me. And it was only my insecurity and pride that made me see them that way - in fact, they would not treat me so abominably. Truly, they are good."
And so she walked on through life, looking up to smile only at the sun, her inconstant friend, and every day tried to interpret the actions of others towards her so she would know her own path.
She thought she'd make new friends. She started over with people who knew, too, the village idiot and knew the madness and manipulation. Foolish child: after a time, they gritted their teeth, shrugged their shoulders, and walked away. The young girl looked around and found herself alone with the idiot.
"You are the best friend I have ever had!" said the village idiot. "You are so loyal! But you seemed to want to stay friends with that last person.... Of course, you can do whatever you want. I'm not your master."
Finally the village idiot joined a social group in town, and the social group could find no good reason to expel the idiot. The young girl made friends with the group and met a young man who willingly became friends with the village idiot to know the young girl. In the village idiot's bouts of insanity, the knowledgeable young man stood at the young girl's side.
Enraged with jealousy, the village idiot devised a plan. Going into town without the young girl, the idiot whined and moaned and spread vicious rumors about the young girl. The idiot took the confidence of the young girl and twisted it to atrocity.
Distraught, the young girl did her best for the village idiot, thinking this must be some fit of madness. The village idiot then spoke slander to the young man. The young man went to the young girl and held her hand.
Finally, the village idiot very calmly spoke to the young girl, taking the tactic many had before. The idiot shrugged, declared there was nothing more to be done for the young girl, and left her to the wolves.
But the young girl had learned her lesson. The village idiot had done this to her and her innocence shone through to all who saw her. She married the wise, knowledgeable young man and retained the friendship of the wise - and though the village idiot never changed, the young girl held her head high above all that came her way. The village idiot had power over many spirits, but the young girl's spirit was free.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Porn is victorious all over
Porn. You don't know the trap you're in. I don't care if you haven't looked at it, ever. You're in that trap.
Because it's all around you.
Men have a reputation for pornography addiction but women, you know it's attractive to you even when it's one of your own getting abused as hell. And it's not hiding anymore. It's coming out to make huge bucks on VALENTINES DAY. Good Lord help us if that's what we think is romantic.
Suddenly it's there in front of you. I was listening to music on Spotify the other day and an ad for "Forty Shades of Grey" played – and whatever godforsaken noise came through my speakers at the end of that thing horrified me.
And my curiosity was snagged.
And you know it doesn't make sense. I don't know what you saw that first time but then you were curious. You had a thought, you followed it. And then you looked it up again. And then again. And I don't care if you're in a culture that thinks porn is great – you had to be kind of disturbed with what you were seeing at some point. You were a kid afraid of getting caught looking at your uncle's magazine stash or you were anxiously glancing at the door hoping your buddy wouldn't come in just then.
Or you had a moment that said, "I would never let this happen to myself…" … to my sister, to my daughter, to my friend, to my brother, husband, cousin…. I don't just want to be sexually active. I want somebody I can really talk to and understand and love.
And if you haven't thought that, it's okay. You're part of the generation that still wants those things but doesn't believe they happen. But you still kind of melted over that photo of the couple who have been together for 50 years and still flirt with each other, hold hands on the sidewalk, read to each other at night.
Perhaps at this point, you've realized you can't stop. Even if you wanted to, you couldn't. Because even if you decided that what you're doing is wrong (and lots of non-religious people who are sexually flexible are beginning to realize there are real ethical issues with pornography), you get a thought that is fully supported by the beginnings of a desire and before you really know what you're thinking about, you're looking at it.
And five hours go down the drain.
Your girlfriend texts you to say, "Hey wazzup?"
Homework, you say. Hanging out with the bros.
Your mom calls to know if you're coming home this weekend. "Yeah, sure, mom, but I gotta go – I'm kinda busy right now."
Let me tell you something, even if you make all kinds of resolutions for yourself at this point – "I won't look up anything having to do with _______; I won't even use YouTube this week; I won't spend more than just this one hour…" – you're lying awake, early in the morning and you think, "Huh, I wonder if…." And you're lost before you knew you were in the woods.
There's hope. I'm told there's hope. Survivors of porn addiction tell me they've regained a lot of control.
They've learned how to say no.
But if you don't know you're already in the trap, you have no chance getting out.
And for sure, it's hard. You think it's innocent fun. You think you need to see to understand. You think it's just this one thing – it's not a big deal. But what is it teaching you? What are you learning? And have you noticed the habits your body is picking up? Those things are hard to shake. And memories, especially the ones you don't really want to remember suddenly, they're on the bookshelves of your brain for a long, long time. And if you think it hasn't touched you yet, it could still choose you. Don't get cocky. It's infiltrating everywhere.
But you're not destined for death just because the trap has you hanging upside down. It's not going to be easy. You can't replace porn with real sex, or dating, or friends, or candy. Porn is far more pleasurable, and the pleasure is more readily attained. It's easier. And it's more or less custom made.
"Not hard enough for you? Well now I'm going to do this."
You're cleaning your room…. You're thinking… thinking of… and then… "I know I said I wasn't going to look at it but… I've got to! I'm already thinking it! Might as well. And I'm only going to look at this page. Okay, I'll check this link. Well, that description sounds strange. They can't really mean– I'd better check it out real quick. Well I just want to know if they have…."
You know. You know.
Come on, man, you've got to break free. Girl, don't just look at it because a feeling inside you wants satisfaction. You can turn down pizza in favor of a salad – turn down porn in favor of something better!
Porn addicts and ex-porn addicts can attest – pornography messes you up. Whatever problems you had before, porn doesn't make it better. And people are starting to realize that porn can have negative medical repercussions as well. Negative sexual repercussions. Negative relational repercussions.
There will always be people in the industry who claim they love their work – women and men who claim they love the sexual drive they experience from being abused and humiliated. There will always be people who claim that pain is the only thing that truly makes them happy. I'm not sure why we've gotten to a point where we can say, "Well, you mean that sexually, so it's okay. You're making money from it so it's okay. It's liberation."
How happy must be the lucky few who are thus liberated.
Thousands more could attest it is not liberation. But they've been told it is.
Realize that you are stuck. Realize that you think it's good for you and that it's actually not. Realize that you can get free. Realize that it is not easy. Realize that a growing number of people are in your boat – and it's getting ready to sink. Row that boat to shore singlehandedly if you have to. Think about all the negative consequences of porn and how much you don't want them. Think about all the things greater than porn and that you want those things.
Then go be that person.
And realize that ultimately, you're okay. It's not your fault that that material was published. It's not your fault that people got into the pornography industry. It's probably not really your fault that you saw it for the first time. It's not your fault that you have bodily desires, and those desires aren't bad. Confusion, addiction are part of the human condition. And while it's not okay to be addicted to pornography, it is okay to be struggling with the addiction. And it is okay to not be perfect right away. It is okay to be you.
Don't give up on you. Other people like you have already paved the way. This is not impossible. You are worth it. You can make it.
Because it's all around you.
Men have a reputation for pornography addiction but women, you know it's attractive to you even when it's one of your own getting abused as hell. And it's not hiding anymore. It's coming out to make huge bucks on VALENTINES DAY. Good Lord help us if that's what we think is romantic.
Suddenly it's there in front of you. I was listening to music on Spotify the other day and an ad for "Forty Shades of Grey" played – and whatever godforsaken noise came through my speakers at the end of that thing horrified me.
And my curiosity was snagged.
And you know it doesn't make sense. I don't know what you saw that first time but then you were curious. You had a thought, you followed it. And then you looked it up again. And then again. And I don't care if you're in a culture that thinks porn is great – you had to be kind of disturbed with what you were seeing at some point. You were a kid afraid of getting caught looking at your uncle's magazine stash or you were anxiously glancing at the door hoping your buddy wouldn't come in just then.
Or you had a moment that said, "I would never let this happen to myself…" … to my sister, to my daughter, to my friend, to my brother, husband, cousin…. I don't just want to be sexually active. I want somebody I can really talk to and understand and love.
And if you haven't thought that, it's okay. You're part of the generation that still wants those things but doesn't believe they happen. But you still kind of melted over that photo of the couple who have been together for 50 years and still flirt with each other, hold hands on the sidewalk, read to each other at night.
Perhaps at this point, you've realized you can't stop. Even if you wanted to, you couldn't. Because even if you decided that what you're doing is wrong (and lots of non-religious people who are sexually flexible are beginning to realize there are real ethical issues with pornography), you get a thought that is fully supported by the beginnings of a desire and before you really know what you're thinking about, you're looking at it.
And five hours go down the drain.
Your girlfriend texts you to say, "Hey wazzup?"
Homework, you say. Hanging out with the bros.
Your mom calls to know if you're coming home this weekend. "Yeah, sure, mom, but I gotta go – I'm kinda busy right now."
Let me tell you something, even if you make all kinds of resolutions for yourself at this point – "I won't look up anything having to do with _______; I won't even use YouTube this week; I won't spend more than just this one hour…" – you're lying awake, early in the morning and you think, "Huh, I wonder if…." And you're lost before you knew you were in the woods.
There's hope. I'm told there's hope. Survivors of porn addiction tell me they've regained a lot of control.
They've learned how to say no.
But if you don't know you're already in the trap, you have no chance getting out.
And for sure, it's hard. You think it's innocent fun. You think you need to see to understand. You think it's just this one thing – it's not a big deal. But what is it teaching you? What are you learning? And have you noticed the habits your body is picking up? Those things are hard to shake. And memories, especially the ones you don't really want to remember suddenly, they're on the bookshelves of your brain for a long, long time. And if you think it hasn't touched you yet, it could still choose you. Don't get cocky. It's infiltrating everywhere.
But you're not destined for death just because the trap has you hanging upside down. It's not going to be easy. You can't replace porn with real sex, or dating, or friends, or candy. Porn is far more pleasurable, and the pleasure is more readily attained. It's easier. And it's more or less custom made.
"Not hard enough for you? Well now I'm going to do this."
You're cleaning your room…. You're thinking… thinking of… and then… "I know I said I wasn't going to look at it but… I've got to! I'm already thinking it! Might as well. And I'm only going to look at this page. Okay, I'll check this link. Well, that description sounds strange. They can't really mean– I'd better check it out real quick. Well I just want to know if they have…."
You know. You know.
Come on, man, you've got to break free. Girl, don't just look at it because a feeling inside you wants satisfaction. You can turn down pizza in favor of a salad – turn down porn in favor of something better!
Porn addicts and ex-porn addicts can attest – pornography messes you up. Whatever problems you had before, porn doesn't make it better. And people are starting to realize that porn can have negative medical repercussions as well. Negative sexual repercussions. Negative relational repercussions.
There will always be people in the industry who claim they love their work – women and men who claim they love the sexual drive they experience from being abused and humiliated. There will always be people who claim that pain is the only thing that truly makes them happy. I'm not sure why we've gotten to a point where we can say, "Well, you mean that sexually, so it's okay. You're making money from it so it's okay. It's liberation."
How happy must be the lucky few who are thus liberated.
Thousands more could attest it is not liberation. But they've been told it is.
Realize that you are stuck. Realize that you think it's good for you and that it's actually not. Realize that you can get free. Realize that it is not easy. Realize that a growing number of people are in your boat – and it's getting ready to sink. Row that boat to shore singlehandedly if you have to. Think about all the negative consequences of porn and how much you don't want them. Think about all the things greater than porn and that you want those things.
Then go be that person.
And realize that ultimately, you're okay. It's not your fault that that material was published. It's not your fault that people got into the pornography industry. It's probably not really your fault that you saw it for the first time. It's not your fault that you have bodily desires, and those desires aren't bad. Confusion, addiction are part of the human condition. And while it's not okay to be addicted to pornography, it is okay to be struggling with the addiction. And it is okay to not be perfect right away. It is okay to be you.
Don't give up on you. Other people like you have already paved the way. This is not impossible. You are worth it. You can make it.
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